the one

Almost 25 years ago, the epic and innovative film, The Matrix, became a cultural phenomenon. The irony is not lost on me that I fell asleep in the theater during its release in 1999 (to be fair, I was 14) and I resisted watching it for the last two and a half decades. Yet, here I am in 2023 streaming the movie on-demand and using OpenAI technology to dissect it’s philosophical messages as they relate to my own experiences. I now comprehend the symbolism behind the iconic “red pill or blue pill” scene, and I find it strikingly relevant to my present circumstances. In the movie, taking the red pill would awaken its protagonist Neo to the harsh reality of the world, freeing him from the artificial illusion of the Matrix, while the blue pill would return him to his life of ignorance, allowing him to live in blissful unawareness. Spoiler alert – of course he chooses the more challenging, yet rewarding path of the red pill. Back in the realm of my personal life where I find myself reeling from the end of an ostensibly short but emotionally significant relationship, I’ve been contemplating whether or not I took the right pill as I’ve succumbed to our love story’s finale. Did I give up on us too soon? What could I have done differently to avoid this outcome? And am I losing the person I thought was destined to help me co-create the life of my dreams? 

I found myself standing at a crossroads multiple times over the course of this extraordinary relationship, faced with a choice. I believed I had found “the One” in this man – a life partner with whom I intended to start a family and build a shared future. But time has a way of unveiling truth, and both external signs and my intuition began to reveal a different narrative. When that occurred, I felt the usual pull to run and hide in the familiarity of my solitude. And yet, I was aware enough to recognize my recurring patterns and told myself that moving through discomfort was necessary. I resolved to fight for the dream that I so desperately wanted to realize. Despite knowing I would survive whether or not this partnership endured, I thought that holding onto it would ultimately prove to be more right than wrong and validate my aspiration for what I believed was possible. My past relationship record clearly demonstrated that something in me needed to change; I was the common denominator in the failure equation. Rather than repeat history, I held steadfast to my belief that this was the “right one,” determined to adapt and evolve to ensure its success.

While the prescient Wachowskis may have accurately predicted many of our modern technological advancements, most of us rely on hindsight for clarity. Reflecting back without my rose-colored glasses, it’s apparent that I missed a key point in the course of my relationship. The Matrix teaches us that belief shapes reality, but only when the belief isn’t confined to a fixed path. Neo grapples with the potential of being “the One,” and only when he stops trying to control his fate and yields to the fluidity of his life does he begin to exhibit the extraordinary abilities others believed he had. While it’s true that any successful relationship requires compromise and flexibility, in retrospect, I see that my attempts to accommodate my partner’s needs out of fear of losing him were misguided. I know that true relationship can only thrive from a place of self-love and acceptance, yet I was fraught with self-judgement for not being enough of what he wanted. Happiness isn’t about clutching onto a predetermined future, or choosing the right path. Instead it’s about acknowledging there’s no single perfect outcome and maintaining a quiet confidence knowing I am forever “the One,” capable of composing my own orchestra out of a multitude of possible notes.

I feel like I’m awakening from my self-imposed Matrix, where I thought “the One” existed outside of me. But this illusion is just programming, akin to the artificial reality that traps humanity in the movie. When we embody our power, we can’t help but magnetize beauty and magic. We’re not bound by any predestined fate; we’re the architects of our futures. The reminder of this truth doesn’t negate my unwavering desire for love and companionship, nor does it exempt me from modifying facets of my behavior for a more harmonious exchange, but it underscores that any relationship is a complement to my own completeness. The last piece of advice that Morpheus gives Neo is “there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path”. Nothing, not even the end of this union, can dissolve the desires, or the knowing of what I want for my life.  It might just require taking a few detours, or perhaps unearthing an entirely different road that was waiting for me to remove those rose-colored glasses in order to see it.